Well things have changed and instead of doing a hardcore fiction film I felt the most honest way I can represent and show what the virtual world is to me, is by putting myself into the film.
One reason I want to do this is because I feel like when I go into this space I am both the film maker as well as the virtual world citizen. I too get involved with things that happen in the world of Second Life, and I too get taken up with the illusion. It becomes an account of a 'newbie,' as they say in the virtual world. I see every time I log in a little change, and a little acceptance in myself.
It's very strange because when I first joined this network I joined with a certain cynicism. I thought why would people want to spend so much time on some pixellated world...believing that they are going clubbing or sitting on the beach. But as I spend more and more time in SL, my avatar, Spray Oceanlane has become a part of me and I have started to relate to her.
A second reason I have chosen to put myself in the film is because as a filmmaker I feel we are like parasites. Always going into other people's lives and homes and exposing them. We stay behind the camera and call the shots. In the end we craft something, that hopefully is a little ethical and at the same time engages an audience. I want to take a risk however, and see if I can expose myself.
The way I see the film going right now is a non-fiction approach, almost like a virtual travelogue involving people I meet there and friends I make. I'd like to explore themes of anonymity vs. honesty, of identity in your cultural context vs. the identity in a virtual context and how it changes.
I think the concept of identity is really tested and questioned in a space like SL because one can only tell so much about the other person by the way their avatar looks. And more often than not, the digital representation of them self does not look like their physical self in the real world. When you're in SL you really feel like you're standing in front of a global audience, an audience that you cannot take for granted and really do not know what to expect.
I have found that if you are honest with people in the virtual space about who you are, what you intend to do etc, than even they are honest with you. This I feel is because honesty is not exactly the name of the game in the virtual space, because the whole point is exploring
identities, people you can be or would like to be. The identity you project in this space is not necessarily the identity you project yourself to be in real life.
And this where I begin to wonder why would you want to be someone else, or are you that person anyway and here you have an outlet for it because in your cultural real world context you do not?
Something I've questioned and wondered for a long time is why people have to be anonymous before saying or doing something, why these cultural rules that we have in each of our own contexts easily disappear when we are in a virtual world. And therefore I admire somewhere the conduct, however crass it may be in a space like SL, because it is so human. Yet we have to be human in hiding because as humans we are afraid of what we are capable of. We are afraid to confront and accept our desires and questions and feelings. These desires manifest themselves in a form that only a space like SL can allow, a digital virtual one. It is a space where there is no risk, consequence and fear. (Heavy statement... I know. Not fully sure of it but I think roughly that's what it is)
In many ways this kind of space is healthy, but at the same time it makes me angry.
I am an Indian and in many ways my family is traditional. There are values and systems that have been in place for many a year. I challenge these values all the time, and somewhere I feel I can do that because my education has been global and diverse. I have studied in International schools almost all my life. I have studied with students from many different countries who all come with their own rules, identities and viewpoints. I have learnt to find myself in a global space, and not necessarily an Indian space. Somewhere I feel it has made me very tolerant, observant and empathic to the world as a whole.
But why does it make me angry? I think it's because I feel that if we really want to say something or do something we should be able to and not hide from it. But there are consequences, there are people who will not agree, and it is easier to do what you are told than to go against it. I fight that. I feel honesty is a beautiful thing, no matter how sad or upsetting it can be. I guess honesty is what leads to truth, and truth is something that no one can fight, well they can fight it but in the end it prevails.
Yesterday somebody told me that what is raw cannot be touched, what is raw is the truth.
Issues I have with neglecting the natural world, for neglecting our bodies, which virtual spaces tend to do, come from that. The natural world is raw, it cannot be questioned for there are no answers. The human body too is raw like the animal. It can be pondered and wondered over and some say its God's creation. I don't know. But the human mind... aaahhh... now I don't know what to say. Maybe the virtual world is also raw, a manifestation of the rawness of being human.
I can go on rambling, so I'll stop now. What I've written here is a little insight into me, my thoughts and my beliefs. It may or may not help you understand the project better.
I hope it does.
One reason I want to do this is because I feel like when I go into this space I am both the film maker as well as the virtual world citizen. I too get involved with things that happen in the world of Second Life, and I too get taken up with the illusion. It becomes an account of a 'newbie,' as they say in the virtual world. I see every time I log in a little change, and a little acceptance in myself.
It's very strange because when I first joined this network I joined with a certain cynicism. I thought why would people want to spend so much time on some pixellated world...believing that they are going clubbing or sitting on the beach. But as I spend more and more time in SL, my avatar, Spray Oceanlane has become a part of me and I have started to relate to her.
A second reason I have chosen to put myself in the film is because as a filmmaker I feel we are like parasites. Always going into other people's lives and homes and exposing them. We stay behind the camera and call the shots. In the end we craft something, that hopefully is a little ethical and at the same time engages an audience. I want to take a risk however, and see if I can expose myself.
The way I see the film going right now is a non-fiction approach, almost like a virtual travelogue involving people I meet there and friends I make. I'd like to explore themes of anonymity vs. honesty, of identity in your cultural context vs. the identity in a virtual context and how it changes.
I think the concept of identity is really tested and questioned in a space like SL because one can only tell so much about the other person by the way their avatar looks. And more often than not, the digital representation of them self does not look like their physical self in the real world. When you're in SL you really feel like you're standing in front of a global audience, an audience that you cannot take for granted and really do not know what to expect.
I have found that if you are honest with people in the virtual space about who you are, what you intend to do etc, than even they are honest with you. This I feel is because honesty is not exactly the name of the game in the virtual space, because the whole point is exploring
identities, people you can be or would like to be. The identity you project in this space is not necessarily the identity you project yourself to be in real life.
And this where I begin to wonder why would you want to be someone else, or are you that person anyway and here you have an outlet for it because in your cultural real world context you do not?
Something I've questioned and wondered for a long time is why people have to be anonymous before saying or doing something, why these cultural rules that we have in each of our own contexts easily disappear when we are in a virtual world. And therefore I admire somewhere the conduct, however crass it may be in a space like SL, because it is so human. Yet we have to be human in hiding because as humans we are afraid of what we are capable of. We are afraid to confront and accept our desires and questions and feelings. These desires manifest themselves in a form that only a space like SL can allow, a digital virtual one. It is a space where there is no risk, consequence and fear. (Heavy statement... I know. Not fully sure of it but I think roughly that's what it is)
In many ways this kind of space is healthy, but at the same time it makes me angry.
I am an Indian and in many ways my family is traditional. There are values and systems that have been in place for many a year. I challenge these values all the time, and somewhere I feel I can do that because my education has been global and diverse. I have studied in International schools almost all my life. I have studied with students from many different countries who all come with their own rules, identities and viewpoints. I have learnt to find myself in a global space, and not necessarily an Indian space. Somewhere I feel it has made me very tolerant, observant and empathic to the world as a whole.
But why does it make me angry? I think it's because I feel that if we really want to say something or do something we should be able to and not hide from it. But there are consequences, there are people who will not agree, and it is easier to do what you are told than to go against it. I fight that. I feel honesty is a beautiful thing, no matter how sad or upsetting it can be. I guess honesty is what leads to truth, and truth is something that no one can fight, well they can fight it but in the end it prevails.
Yesterday somebody told me that what is raw cannot be touched, what is raw is the truth.
Issues I have with neglecting the natural world, for neglecting our bodies, which virtual spaces tend to do, come from that. The natural world is raw, it cannot be questioned for there are no answers. The human body too is raw like the animal. It can be pondered and wondered over and some say its God's creation. I don't know. But the human mind... aaahhh... now I don't know what to say. Maybe the virtual world is also raw, a manifestation of the rawness of being human.
I can go on rambling, so I'll stop now. What I've written here is a little insight into me, my thoughts and my beliefs. It may or may not help you understand the project better.
I hope it does.
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